Good Morning Vietnam

Boo blogger I hate typing my blog posts on you!  Boooooooo!

I used to use an editor on my work computer but it's only for Windows and I have a Mac and boooooooooooo.

My new job is going well so far.  I felt a lot of nervous jitters on my first day but I feel much more comfortable now.  Mornings haven't been easy, but it helps to know that I have to be there.  The accountability that comes from knowing someone is going to notice and care if you're late makes a big difference.  At my old job, it really didn't matter what time you showed up.  You couldn't waltz in at noon or anything but it wasn't unusual for someone to come in 40 minutes late. There's a lot of differences between working for a small and big company.  For starters, I have someone that I report to, someone who makes sure I'm busy, is involved with what I'm doing throughout the day.  There's just more people, more interaction.  I feel more awake.  I'm definitely tired, it's been hard to adjust to the earlier start and longer day, but I feel more mentally stimulated which is helping to counteract it.

I was bored at my other job and I had a hard time filling my day, but now that I'm at a job where I have no time to do any personal stuff (and am not supposed to use my work computer for it) that I'm going to have to adjust how I spend my weekend and evening time.  I developed a long list of blogs I like to read, Perez, looking at clothes (but not buying money month don't look at me like that) Facebook, happiness project brainstorming, do my own blog posts, etc. to kill time during my day.  Now I get why Melissa was always like, "When do you find time to do all this shit?".

I got new clothes for my new job and I love them.  The funny thing about shopping is that it's addictive.  After spending hours and hours in malls you think you'd get sick of it and not want to step foot in one for a while but no, I want more and more and more.  Spring magazines are out and I'm like damn, that's cute.  Want.

Last Day of Work

Today is my last day of work at my job.  We were supposed to all go for lunch on Monday but it got postponed to tomorrow so I have to go meet my coworkers at noon tomorrow so today is my second last day of work related anything.  My boss’ contradictory behavior over the past couple weeks has made it easier for me to leave this job.  I will miss working here, but I know that it’s time for a change.  Even though it’s the lack of work that makes my days long and frustrating, I will miss the freedom of a relaxed workplace and workload.  Flash has two friends that are getting married this year out of province, one in the summer and one in the fall, both of which will require at least a 4 day weekend to attend.  At this job I wouldn’t have even thought twice about it, time off is never a problem.  Will I even be able to take that time off at my new job, who will I have to coordinate my time with? 

At my job now I’ll usually just eat at my desk to work only a 8 hour day instead of 8.5 or 9 hours (not that anyone is counting).  At my new job I’ll be working 9 hours with an hour for lunch.  Will I have to find someone to sit with at lunch?  Is it standoffish or anti-social to leave the office for an hour and do whatever.  All the first day of school nervousness is popping up.  I think I will probably be the youngest person at the office, which is fine.  In some ways that’s easier because you don’t feel like you have to ‘make friends’ with your coworkers. 

I’m going shopping tomorrow!  I’m really more excited about that than anything else.  I’m sure once Sunday rolls around I’ll start feeling a bit nervous.

Time Out

Cohabitating is proving more difficult that I had thought. Originally, I predicted that the biggest change would be the addition of Flash’s things, which has been a challenge. Since he’s here all the time anyway I really didn’t imagine day-to-day life being much different. It’s amazing how little things add up.

The addition of the stuff has created frustrations for me that I did see coming, but this foresight has not made it any less frustrating. As someone who does a lot of the cleaning in the apartment I am conscious to avoid making more of a mess than I have to. For example, when making dinner I try to use as few dishes as possible. I don’t mind a good cleaning, but I prefer a good Sunday afternoon house cleaning instead of a the constant daily tidying required to keep a small apartment from getting cluttered and messy. I start to resent cleaning when it becomes picking up after other people. With Melissa this isn’t a problem, but with Flash I feel like I’m constantly picking up after him. Whether it’s dishes, or clothes, or toiletries, or shoes, or coats it always seems to be something.

It also frustrates me that he doesn’t seem to appreciate how much work it was for me to fit all of his stuff in with ours. I think I did a pretty fantastic job of adding all his stuff into the apartment without it looking any more cluttered. I got rid of lots of MY clothes, re-arranged and edited out the storage room, gave him a dresser and half the closet, added storage bins to the closet for his things, found room for his golf clubs and his snowboard to name a few. This is a small standard two-bedroom apartment we’re talking about, I think I did really good!

A lot of the stuff issues weren’t a problem when he stayed here all the time but didn’t live here. The clothes weren’t a constant fixture, there were no toiletries in the bathroom, he would eat meals here, but he wasn’t fixing himself snacks because they were my groceries, not our groceries, so making a big plate of nachos or cooking a frozen pizza were things he would do at home but now he does them here.

Maybe I should just give up. Maybe the apartment can’t be as neat and tidy and clean as it used to be. Maybe I’m being a control freak. I’m being a huge nag and I know Flash finds it annoying. I do want him to feel at home and not like he’s walking on eggshells all the time but I’m not going to settle for living with bachelor habits.  Perhaps a re-instatement of the no nagging resolution is in order. Would Flash do a better job of picking up after himself if I gave him more of a chance to do it on his own or would he take full advantage of the lack of nagging and not bother?

Re-invent Your Wardrobe

A while ago I proposed a set of resolutions called look good feel good in which I planned on putting more effort into my appearance on a daily basis.  Picking outfits out the night before instead of shlubbing on whatever was most warm and comfortable looking in the morning, wearing makeup, using hair products and styling my hair, etc.  This was a short lived and unsuccessful resolution.  I think I got a massage and did a couple spa type things, maybe a pedicure but I didn’t do much in regard to my daily appearance.  This was largely influence by the time requirement in the morning to do hair and makeup properly.  Mornings, my eternal nemesis. 

The other influence, I think, was that I didn’t really care what I looked like.  Meaning, there was no benefit to looking cute.  I work in a small design office with 4 other people.  Seeing as I’m in a relationship I obviously have no interest in anyone I work with but just to clarify, two of them are married, one is gay and the other guy has a girlfriend.  Also, I don’t deal with the public at my job.  I’ll take some phone calls, but we’re a small office and I never have to see people other than my co workers.  It’s the kind of office where it’s not unusual for someone to wear jeans on Wednesday.

That’s all fine and good.  As I start thinking about starting my new job I can’t help but start thinking about a fresh start.  Go in there and be positive and make this a good change.  I can’t think of a better way to put a little spring in my step than new clothes!  As a congratulations my mother has offered to get me some new work clothes, yay! 

I have been allowing myself to do some online window shopping, something I try not to do because it makes me depressed.  Size wise, I’m actually quite similar to most mannequins.  Maybe not in muscle tone of plasticity but in general proportions.  So when I go into a store I take careful note of what the mannequins are wearing.  As Sandra Bullock would say, “Is this me?”  or as Kirby re-inventing her wardrobe would say, “Could this be me?”

I feel like February 14 is the January 1 of my new look good feel good fresh start.  I’m making bold statements in my head of putting more energy into cute outfits, giving my hair that extra 15 minutes, wearing more than mascara, using my accessories on a regular basis.  I’ll have to get up earlier for my job, so why not try and start this required morning change with good habits.  Establish for myself that the minimum time need from wake up to work is no longer 20 minutes.

It’s not going to be easy breezy, getting up and getting to work an hour earlier than I do currently will be extremely hard for me.  I’m a grouch in the morning and Flash and Melissa avoid me like the plague prior to 10am.  Meh, if I’m going to be tired and grumpy I might as well look good.

All you need is love!!

So this is my "Love" month in the Happiness Project....the month I have been dreading since the start....hence it being in February, the shortest month of the year :) I may be lacking in the love department, but I make up for it in strategic planning, muhahaha.

So love month is all about opening myself up to the possibility of love. I don't expect to find my soul mate in 28 days, but I do hope to open myself to the possibility of finding someone to share my life with in the near future. My last serious relationship was, give or take, 3 years ago, and it wasn't the BEST of relationships. I was definitely beat down and left wondering if I could ever go through that again! For the longest time the answer was no, no no no NO I never want to go through a break up again. So I told myself I wouldn't get serious with anyone unless I had that feeling, the urge, that sense inside you when everything about your body is going "he will be mine." Alas, 3 years later, I am yet to experience that haha. I've dated, gone on dates and gotten semi-interested in someone. BUT in true Melissa fashion, pushed them away the second it was turning the corner into a relationship.
What I have managed to do over the past year is fall for someone who is completely unattainable. He lives miles and miles away, is younger than me, has a very different lifestyle and goals for the future (months of travel, etc. something i wouldn't consider doing at this stage in my life, somewhat cringes at the reality that all his friends are married and/or in serious relationships and settled down). So defense mechanism? Or terrible timing?? Have I strategically chosen someone that doesn't really match what I want moving forward with a male because it keeps me occupied, and he certainly is cute to look at, or do I actually really want to be with this person and unfortunately geographics have kept us from exploring what could be? I honestly don't know. And not that "don't know" where you know you're lying to yourself...I really don't.
So....since me and Mr.Miles-Away can't seem to get things together and actually take steps towards something that resembles togetherness, I have decided if I ever want to BE with someone, i'm going to have to get back on that damn horse, metaphorically speaking, for now Haha.

To be open to love I am going to do the following things:
1. I have stopped drinking for 30 days. Drunk at a bar is no way to make Mr.Right decisions.
2. I am creating a profile on an online dating site. This is not something i've ever really been in to, but honestly in this day and age, don't we somewhat creep/date people via Facebook anyways?? Also, this will at least just get me conversing with some men that I probably would never have before
3. Be open to new people. I....am judgmental. I critique males to the max. I need to be open to someone that isn't necessarily my "type" right off the bat. They could totally win me over with their personality, as these days I am quite in to humour, compassion, intelligence and sports interest. I also appreciate people that have at least read the news headlines of the day. It really makes first time awkward convo easier. I don't read the NY Times either people, skim the headlines, know what's going on in the world, then skip to the Entertainment section, like I do :)
4. Go on a date. Plain and simple. Get asked, ask someone, let someone set you up....just take that step.

These goals may seem easy for some, but I can assure you, for someone that doesn't really like paying much attention to this stuff, this is going to be huge.

BUT....I love love....I love people in love. I have a lot of love to give. Melissa Nadeau....now open, for love!

Self Improvement Enabler

Flash has decided to get in shape.  I am VERY excited that he has decided to commit to this.  It’s something he’s been talking about for a while and I couldn’t be happier that he is taking this step.

The thing about cohabitating is that when one of you is on a diet, both of you are on a diet.  The first month of my happiness project was about diet and exercise so I’m looking at this as an opportunity to get back on track with it.  I’ve always found eating healthier to be much easier when I wasn’t doing it alone.

I’m kind of an all or nothing person.  Flash has a goal he’d like to reach by his birthday, and his approach would be to gradually work toward it in the hopes of reaching it by the deadline.  My thoughts are that his goal is completely attainable and why not give it your all and challenge yourself to meet it ahead of time, or even surpass it.  I know Flash has a love hate relationship with my way of doing things, on the one had he likes it because it helps him stay on track and get things done, but other times I think he’d like to throw me off the balcony, and I get that.

I know that personality types that always strive to improve on things give off the impression that nothing is ever good enough can be hard to be around sometimes.  Okay, a lot of the time.  I’ve always been critical of myself AND of other people.  As much as the happiness project is about my own self reflection and improvement it inevitably become part of Flash’s as well.  We are trying to eat better and we have agreed that we should not eat out.  Flash suggested this himself, which is good because it was going to be instated as a rule for money month anyway so I’m glad he’s on board.  I think he and I are going to go for walks together, weather permitting.  I myself am not enamored with the gym and don’t plan on going but walks are something we can do together.

February - Money Money Money Money… Money!

Money month has begun.  To be honest I feel a little unprepared at the moment.  The first day of the month always seems to sneak up on me.

Okay.  Money.  I hate it.  It’s a big point of stress and unhappiness for me.  I don’t think money buys happiness, but I think it helps.  Anyone who lives on a tight budget knows that having your finances under control is an empowering feeling.  The peace of mind that knowing you can handle major repairs on your car, an expensive vet bill, emergency travel, etc. is priceless.  Eliminating worry and guilt is part of the happiness project and getting to a better place financially is going to help.

Money can buy some happiness.  I read somewhere that the best way to spend your money was on experiences since we become accustomed to stuff so quickly that the joy we get from things fades quickly.  Experiences create memories which last far longer than the excitement over a new kitchen table.  Sure you can make great free memories, but a lot of them cost money.

A goal this month is to create a budget for myself.  I’ve done this before but it was mostly to get a sense of my expenses, I didn’t use it on a regular basis.  I’ll need to factor in my new salary when the time comes and keep a closer watch on how I’m spending my money.  To do this I plan on keeping all my receipts from this point forward.  Everything from $6.00 at the convenience store to $150 on groceries.  I’ll throw them in a box or something and at the end of the month go through and see how I’m spending.  I’m sure I’ll be surprised at the end of the month to see how much I really spend on magazines or lunches.  I also need to familiarize myself with exactly how much things like cable and internet cost.  I have a rough idea, but how much is cable, how much is internet, I couldn’t tell you.

Another thing I’d like to try this month is living on cash.  I’m not sure how great this idea will be but I’m going to give it a try for a while.  I never have cash on me.  I don’t even feel guilt when homeless people ask for change because I don’t got none.  I find I spend cash quickly, it’s faster to pay with cash and I’m more likely to make small purchases with cash that I’d feel silly paying for debit with, like anything under five dollars for example.  My hope is that when I’m using cash as my sole means of paying for things I’ll regard it as precious and be more wary of doling it out.  I won’t carry my entire months budget on my at all times for fear of losing my purse or having some guy with a gun steal my wallet, manolos and bag-ette, but I am going to try to use cash only.

Save save save.  That’s my main objective.  I think having goals for saving will help.  In case of emergency goals and money to go on a trip are two that I’ve been thinking about a lot.  Flash will start paying rent next Month which will also free up some money.

Here goes…