Thursday, October 27, 2011

Gym Phobia

In my efforts to become a 'fitness' person I have been going to my gym for 3 months now. It has been taking me forever to get organized enough to move beyond the cardio and leg machines.  At first it was my own ignorance about what I should be doing, but now I'm starting to realize that I have a gym phobia.  The fear of looking like an idiot.

I am not a big fan of putting myself in situations where I might embarrass myself.  If I had to learn to water ski, I'd like to do it on an empty lake.  I've never let myself by hypnotized because I was worried I'd do and say mortifying-ly embarrassing things.  I had my mother make my appointments for me up until I was in my 20s because I didn't know 'how' to.  I hate practical jokes, or the kind of teasing meant to make someone feel small and stupid.  Other than the fact that the girl signing me up for my gym membership was flustered and rushing through everything, it was my fear of looking stupid that stopped me from signing up for the deal on sessions with a trainer.

I've debated going to a different type of fitness class, like a dance oriented or kick boxing class but everytime I start to seriously consider it, I start worrying about the fact that I don't know what to expect, and what if I can't keep up (because kick boxing is hard) or if I look stupid trying to follow the choreography of the dance class.

I had a workout plan for yesterday of upper body work.  Lifting some weights on the ball and some use of the cable machine.  The area for that was crowded and I found myself nervous, the balance balls were in the other room and there was a boot camp class going on in there.  I could do it on one of the reclining benches, but I'd have to carry one to an open spot and adjust it and I didn't know how.  And then people would be looking at me like who's this retard taking up space, she doesn't know what she's doing.  Eek.  So I got on the treadmill and did some tricep and back work on the machines.  I chickened out.

Another unexpected thing that's happened at my gym is running into people I know.  I have, to date, run into two different people.  One is my roommate's best friend's boyfriend, and the other is a guy I worked with at my last job.  If I'm going to look like a retard I'd at least like to do it anonymously.

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