Friday, November 12, 2010

Wham! Pow! Bam! Silent Fights and Strange Dreams

Flash and I don’t really fight, but we came about as close as possible to one last night.  I was annoyed from something he had done the night before, and my anger and frustration carried over to the next day.  I thought to myself, this is a great chance to work on my relationship resolutions.  Was I overreacting?  Yes.  Would this matter in a couple days?  Probably not.  Did this help me let it go?  Nope.

We went out to dinner, and how lovely that our booth had it’s own little flat screen TV with the game playing on it!  Having a football game 8 inches from your boyfriend’s face does wonders for conversation.  I was trying my best not to say anything about the night before, but it wasn’t working.  I could tell he was aware I was annoyed, I don’t hide it very well, but he just chose to watch football as a way to avoid it.

After dinner we got to my house and I told him just to drop me off.  This is code for I hate you and am punishing you by not letting you stay over.  He replied with something like, fine by me, which is code for I thought I was coming up but I’m clearly not so I’m going to make you think I didn’t want to anyway.  He then maturely sped off as soon as I slammed the car door.

Like the mature adults we are, we pretty much resolved it a couple hours later via text messaging.  Was this situation almost completely of my own making.  Yes.  Do I realize that if I had just tried to be pleasant and make conversation about something else at dinner that this whole thing probably wouldn’t have happened.  Yes.  Does that make me feel like things could have gone any differently.  Not really.

That night I had the strangest dream, it involved Flash, my ex, and a friend of my ex (let’s call him Yankee) that I once thought I might be more than friends with but wasn’t.  I go to a bar to meet up with Flash, and my ex and Yankee are both there.  I go up and give Flash a kiss.  Yankee gives me a weird look and says something along the lines of “Wtf are you dating that guy?” and proceeds to be very flirtatious.  At this point I look over and see Flash and my ex being buddies, laughing and having a great time.  Yankee pulls out a present for me (which I can remember thinking was weird because he didn’t know I was going to the bar that night).  It’s some mini portable printer type thing.  Flash leaves and my ex comes up to me and tells me to go easy on Yankee because he has a broken heart and that it took him a long time to get over me.  My ex then gives me a hug and we hug for a long time, one of those hugs that says a lot of unsaid things and brings closure (as much closure as a dream hug can give I guess).  I then proceed to go looking for Flash, the sun is coming up but the streets are still full of people from the clubs.  I see him from a distance and try to get to him but somehow end up in a building that it a mash up of my elementary school and something else.  I wander though the gym and into some huge bathroom full of people that are in party mode and all the bathroom doors are broken and I start freaking out about losing one of my boots only to realize later that I am wearing it.  This is the point where one dream starts merging into another and I never do find Flash.

I don’t really know what it meant, but it was interesting to have a dream like that right after my fight with Flash.  I think maybe it means that I have a lot more baggage than I’d like to admit and that it affects how I act in my current relationship.

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