Should-ing All Over Yourself

I’m always thinking about things I should be doing for my happiness project.  SHOULD being the key word.  Even though one of my guidelines for the project is Be Kirby I’m not sure how well I’m sticking to that.

I have a hard time figuring out the difference between I should in a keeping up with the Joneses type of way and I should because I actually should.  For example, I still feel guilt about things that I think I should be doing like the gym.  In all honestly, I absolutely hate the gym.  It is not my happy place, it sucks balls.  So can I accept that I, Kirby, do not find happiness at the gym and therefore should not go, or do I have to accept that the gym is one of those things that I actually should do even if I hate it because the benefits outweigh the fact that I don’t like it.

I argue with myself that I hate the gym but what I actually should be doing is exercise, it does not have to take place in the crappy little hole in the wall gym my building has.  I spend a lot of time walking, in the summer.  Oh yeah I live in a frozen wasteland where it’s so cold that my dog cries when I take her outside and going for walks is NOT happening.  How do you distinguish what’s right in a battle of shoulds and wants.  I want to spend my time watching movies, sleeping, eating, reading, playing video games, or on my laptop.  All of these things are lazy sedentary activities.  I know that if I only ever spent my time doing these things that eventually I would fall into a low mood.  I know I need to get out and do things to stimulate my brain.  Staying in low energy mode too long makes me feel perpetually tired.  

The truth is that I should has gotten a bad rap.  Anyone who has gone through emotional low periods in their life knows that shoulds are necessary.  I’m not talking about the I should weigh 100 pounds, I should run a marathon or I should have a boyfriend.  I mean the, I should get out of bed today, I should spend time around other people, I should get outside and go for a walk.  The shoulds that contribute to mental health.  Eventually the I shoulds get more ambitious, I should spend time around other people becomes I should be a better friend, and I should go for a walk becomes I should hit the gym 5 times a week.  So when should I do something for my own good, and when should I admit that something isn’t right for me and let it go?  When can I don’t want to replace the feeling of I should?