Monday, May 30, 2011

Sing it Alanis

This month has been quite a mixed bag.  I wasn’t feeling excited about the months I had coming up so I more or less took a break from goals this month and decided to go with the flow, try to take care of myself, incorporate what I thought I needed. 
To start off the month I got a couple massages.  Good start. 
I also put forth what I consider to be a huge effort in terms of a social life.  At the beginning of the month a friend and I took a trip down to Lethbridge because we have a friend that lives there, and a friend from back home in Manitoba was coming there for a visit.  Around mid-month I went out for drinks at a nearby pub even though I only knew three of the 15 people at the table, I participated in planning a going away party at our house by cleaning, making decorations and putting forth an effort with a couple people from the pub that came to the party and knew only a couple people.  I also went to a house party of a girl Flash is good friends with and a birthday party for a girlfriend of one of Flash’s good guy friends.  Turns out I have great social skills when I’m super drunk.  Some people get mean drunk, I get nice drunk.  Even people that I can’t stand I was being nice as pie to.  So I figure once every 4 – 6 weeks I’ll get really drunk and pull my weight as the girlfriend of Mr. Popularity and show up.
Since I don’t drink much, being hung over and wanting to die for half of my weekend is not cool.  I like to chill, cross things off my to-do list like clean the apartment and take my dog to the park.  Lying in the fetal position in the bottom of my shower is, surprisingly enough, not on my to-do list.  So part of being social is accepting that I’m 26 and not 18 and that I have to eat a legit dinner, drink water and eat something before bed to absorb the alcohol so Idon’t vomit the first thing I put into my mouth the next morning.  You live, you learn.
It’s good to be on good terms with people, for me that means a token night out with Flash’s friends once in a while in which I actually try to be nice and enjoy myself.  For us introverts that means getting drunk.  I feel like alcohol = friendship under most circumstances is a lie and a poor life lesson, but us socially awkward people gotta do what we gotta do sometimes I guess.
I’m still doing my cash tracking and receipt keeping.  Turns out a social life isn’t cheap, between dinners, alcohol, cabs and clothes to wear on said social outings the $$ add up.  I guess the next step in my budget is to actually set limits for myself.  I’ve just been getting a sense of what I spend and to be aware of it.  If I spent too much money going out then I didn’t get to buy other things.  Now I should start setting limits.
I thought I needed a relaxing, do what you think you need type month because I find myself constantly thinking about goals and self-improvement and sometimes it gets a bit exhausting.  Always thinking of ways to be better can make you feel like you suck.  Despite this, I still think that I work best when I have clearly defined goals.  Without structure it’s too easy to do nothing.  I hardly blogged, I didn’t make lists, nothing.  In some ways not having goals was as stressful as having them because I felt like I didn’t know what I should be doing and week after week I started to feel more and more like I was wasting the month.  Better to stress about something than about nothing.

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