Sunday, June 5, 2011

Background Noise

I find other people so distracting.  Even though everything I read tells me that relationships with others are once of the most powerful contributors to happiness, I find other people to be huge distractions.  A social life takes up a lot of time.  On weekends where I make the effort to go out with people I find my to do list falls on the back burner.

The drama that comes along with the people in my current social circle is also very distracting.  I care about my friends and find myself feeling affected by their problems.  I have found myself thinking a great deal about their issues, their fights, breakups, etc.  I'm am not an all knowing wise worldly person, but I have learned some lessons the hard way.  I find it frustrating to watch people handling themselves poorly and have trouble separating myself from their drama.

Another thing I was thinking about was how my life gets tangled up with Flash's sometimes.  We live together for starters.  He also has a lot of friends, and I've been finding myself being brought along to his friend's events, parties, etc. more and more.  At times I've found myself going to things I really don't want to because I feel obligated, or that it will look bad if I don't.  I like many of Flash's friends, but at the end of the day we're not that close of friends.  Of all the guys there's only one that I could see myself doing something with without Flash.  Once in a while it's fun to go out with the group of them, but for the most part it takes a lot out of me.  I don't really find much benefit to it on a regular basis.  So that got me thinking, am I just a classic introvert uninterested in an active social life or are the people that I find myself in social settings with just not adding anything to my life?  I find I have great conversations with people I consider to be my true friends.  Where I live now I have a limited number of those friends around me.  Should I try to cultivate more of my own friends, apart from Flash?  Or should I embrace time alone?

I have the apartment to myself this upcoming weekend and I must admit I'm excited about it.  It's rare the be in the apartment by myself for more than an hour, so three days is a big deal.  No feeling guilty about not being excited to get drunk, not having to worry about being boring because I don't have any plans. 

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