Attitude month is one of those things you know you should do, but you really don’t want to. Melissa and I decided to do attitude second because we believe it will have a huge impact. The way you approach and react to everything in your life is hugely affected by your attitude.
My attitude is poor. I have a really short temper, a hard time letting things go, and have come to the realization that I am extremely critical and judgmental, not only of myself but of other people, especially people I don’t even know. Yesterday I was walking to work and I saw this girl and she was huge. I would describe her as an apple with toothpick legs. She was wearing these yoga type sweat pants that had slid half way down her ass revealing a significant portion of her butt crack. Her pants were far enough down her ass to make it obvious that she was not wearing any underwear. My thought was, “Jesus fucking Christ are you really such a fat mess that you can’t tell your ass is hanging out?” I think bitchy things like this all the time. I regularly criticize people with poor train etiquette, bad drivers, bikers that want to be respected like cars but think vehicle rules don’t apply to them, old people living in delusional land who think they can cross the street regardless of the color of the lights, people who think that it’s appropriate to slowly walk side by side in a five person line at the mall, everyone who works in customer service, cops who think giving people tickets for jaywalking or barely speeding is a more productive use of their time than arresting the crack heads fighting around the corner, guys who still think it’s cool to whistle at a girl and then peel out from a red light, and anyone the personifies their ethnic stereotypes to a tee.
I’m not proud of this, but it’s the truth. I’m not very nice.
I never say these things out loud to anyone’s face, but maybe behind their back. I don’t genuinely hate all these people, but thinking bitchy things is my go to, judgmental thoughts are always my initial reactions. I know I would get no satisfaction from telling someone’s grandfather that they were being a senile moron and to get off the god damn road. I know it would make me sick to my stomach if I wounded someone’s already fragile self esteem by criticizing their weight. I know that customer service people hate their jobs and only act that way because people take their problems out on them all day long (though some of them are just idiots and should be fired). I know, I know, I know.
I think this negative internal dialogue is having a bigger effect on me and how I view the world than I’d like to admit. I also have a habit of dumping my problems on to a couple people, particularly my boyfriend. I always thought that venting was important, get things off your chest, you’ll feel better. In her book, Gretchen Rubin talks about how she discovered that venting doesn’t really make you feel better, if anything it makes you feel worse because ranting about it only gets you more worked up. So I am going to give not dumping my frustrations on people a try.
My resolutions for Attitude this month:
- no gossiping – no dumping
- follow every negative thought with a positive one
- give compliments
- smile & make eye contact
- be easy – laugh at yourself
To curb my negative thinking I am going to follow up negative thoughts with positive ones. If my boyfriend, let’s call him Flash, brings me a bag of candy, I’ll probably think, “Why don’t you ever listen to me I told you not to bring me this stuff anymore! Thanks for sabotaging my happiness project you freakin’ enabler!” but I will immediately challenge that thought by thinking “Flash is such a sweetheart, always bringing me thoughtful gifts.”
I also want to try and give more compliments, out loud. Sometimes I’ll see someone I know having a good hair day or wearing a cute outfit and I’ll think to myself that they look good. Why I don’t always convey that to them is a mystery. Overall, I just want to lighten up. I used to be witty, make lots of clever jokes; I used to be a lot more fun. There is a whole month dedicated to fun in the future, but for now I will try to address humor.
I had planned to dedicate a month to appearance/body at some point, but I felt guilty about doing so. I wanted to do it early on because the resolutions are cumulative so doing it in the first few months would help make these things a habit. I just couldn’t justify putting flossing and makeup before the months for friends and family, etc. It seemed shallow and conflicted with what I felt my priorities were. So I have decided that this month I will do a sub-category called Look Good Feel Good. A mini spreadsheet that I will keep in my bathroom.
My resolutions for Look Good Feel Good:
- floss daily
- use body lotion daily
- wear makeup on weekdays (and remove it before bed)
- stretch daily
- nail maintenance once a week (on my own)
- do something extra for yourself once a week (get a massage, or get my eyebrows waxed, have a cheesy bubble bath with candles, do a face mask, get a pedicure, etc.)
I will be doing all of these resolutions in addition to my resolutions from boost energy. It is also my goal to read a couple books that focus on attitude related topics. As I write this all down it feels like a lot, but they are all really small things. Most of the attitude stuff will be done in my head and requires no time, neither do giving compliments and smiling. It is still going to be tough!
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