Wordless Wednesday

 

LOSE THE 'TUDE, MEL

I....have a serious attitude problem. It's "Attitude Adjustment" month for Kirby and I....and I am 5 days in and already struggling.

My Attitude month started off quite differently than my dear Kirbster. October 1st was a Friday, my favourite day of the week. I came into work that morning revitalized and ready to take on this new project!!! I was positive throughout the day and when my co-workers made negative or sarcastic comments I would try to counter it with SOMETHING (i.e. WELL...at least she called us back eventually and didn't end up on the 'island of lost candidates'-people who never, ever, return your call-) That evening I went to my girl friend Karlee's house and watched the Football game and we had good- GOSSIP FREE- conversations and chatted about life and it was really nice.

....with that being said....I have been really struggling with my attitude since. Work gets stressful and I freak out at least once a day. Today I caught myself swearing SO much. I am a big swearer. And mostly because I'm embarrassed to sound like a trailer park trucker most of the time, I really want to change this. Also, I can't imagine boys find it attractive that I can pair most normal words with fuck, fucker, fucking christ or mother fucking. In all fairness to me, it's a very versatile word....right? Ugh. I've been trying my best recently but today I definitely lost it. I swore a lot, I was impatient, I complained about how tired I was, I was sarcastic, I even vented to my poor Regina friend Eric, who was none the wiser being an enabler because he had no idea about my Happiness Project. Then I came home and complained to Kirby, complained to my manicurist, and didn't go to the gym. BLAH.

SO....from this day forward I will be making myself more accountable. I told Kirby's boyfriend about my goals, I FINALLY grew some balls and told Eric about my Project (he didn't think I was a weirdo...plus one!) so he can remind me too. Andddd i'm going to state my October goals on my blog here so that I put it out in the open FOR all to see.

October...let's go ATTITUDE!
- no swearing
- be MORE patient
- be less judgmental- you don't know other people's stories
- be less pessimistic
- be more understanding
- counter others' negative comments with positive ones
- smile when you walk into a room
- don't sigh...your life is good
- deep breaths

There we go...now you are all aware and can stare at me blankly when I'm failing.

-Mel....the tude-tard

P.S. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Kirby for negatively affecting her Happiness Project by falling asleep on the couch and not helping her bring her groceries up. In compliance with people not being able to read her mind, I suggest she tell us before she go to the store that she will need help later and to keep our phones on "loud". :) haha LOVE YOU KIRBY

Rough Start

Attitude month got off to a rocky start.  I thought I was doing a good job preparing for it, printing out a new monthly resolutions chart and writing a draft of my end and start of the month blog posts on time.  As Thursday night approached I felt a little caught off guard when I realized that I would have new resolutions to do the next day, I think what I forgot to do was mentally prepare myself.  I went through the day not really thinking about my attitude resolutions. 

It seems I need to be constantly thinking about my attitude resolutions.  At the end of the day on Friday I went to check off some resolutions and discovered I didn’t do this one, or that one, in fact, it hadn’t even crossed my mind to do some of them.  A lot of these things are unnatural to me, and I had missed several opportunities to do them.  Even over this past weekend I have found that giving compliments is very difficult for me.  I have also realized that I am a huge complainer.  I hummed and hawed over whether or not to give myself credit for not gossiping or ranting one day because even through I technically did not rant on any one thing, I made a ton of small complaints about a lot of small things.  I helped my boyfriend move Friday evening and was less than positive during the experience; I complained about starting to move stuff into their new place at 8pm at night, I made it clear that I was displeased with the boys nonchalant attitude about the pace at which they moved.  I complained to Flash about how annoying it was to share building passes and parkade keys now that he lived in another building and I complained when Flash and Mel were both too busy napping on the couches to answer their phones and come help me carry groceries leaving me to haul 11 bags up 9 floors by myself… to name a few.

I don’t think I really rant or gossip all that much.  Well I do, but it’s not a daily occurrence or anything.  I do however, complain a lot every day.  The ranting only really occurs when something ridiculous happens or when I am talking to someone I don’t talk to all that often.  So… I have decided (deep breath) to add no complaining to my resolutions.  (Anxiety attack ensues when I realize the enormity of this task and that it’s impossibly hard and that I will fail and that if by some miracle of epic proportions I don’t fail I’ll probably end up a soulless robot because who am I without my sarcastic pessimistic attitude)

October – Attitude Month

Attitude month is one of those things you know you should do, but you really don’t want to.  Melissa and I decided to do attitude second because we believe it will have a huge impact.  The way you approach and react to everything in your life is hugely affected by your attitude.

My attitude is poor.  I have a really short temper, a hard time letting things go, and have come to the realization that I am extremely critical and judgmental, not only of myself but of other people, especially people I don’t even know.  Yesterday I was walking to work and I saw this girl and she was huge.  I would describe her as an apple with toothpick legs.  She was wearing these yoga type sweat pants that had slid half way down her ass revealing a significant portion of her butt crack.  Her pants were far enough down her ass to make it obvious that she was not wearing any underwear.  My thought was, “Jesus fucking Christ are you really such a fat mess that you can’t tell your ass is hanging out?”  I think bitchy things like this all the time.  I regularly criticize people with poor train etiquette, bad drivers, bikers that want to be respected like cars but think vehicle rules don’t apply to them, old people living in delusional land who think they can cross the street regardless of the color of the lights, people who think that it’s appropriate to slowly walk side by side in a five person line at the mall, everyone who works in customer service, cops who think giving people tickets for jaywalking or barely speeding is a more productive use of their time than arresting the crack heads fighting around the corner, guys who still think it’s cool to whistle at a girl and then peel out from a red light, and anyone the personifies their ethnic stereotypes to a tee.

I’m not proud of this, but it’s the truth.  I’m not very nice.

I never say these things out loud to anyone’s face, but maybe behind their back.  I don’t genuinely hate all these people, but thinking bitchy things is my go to, judgmental thoughts are always my initial reactions.  I know I would get no satisfaction from telling someone’s grandfather that they were being a senile moron and to get off the god damn road.  I know it would make me sick to my stomach if I wounded someone’s already fragile self esteem by criticizing their weight.  I know that customer service people hate their jobs and only act that way because people take their problems out on them all day long (though some of them are just idiots and should be fired).  I know, I know, I know.

I think this negative internal dialogue is having a bigger effect on me and how I view the world than I’d like to admit.  I also have a habit of dumping my problems on to a couple people, particularly my boyfriend.  I always thought that venting was important, get things off your chest, you’ll feel better.  In her book, Gretchen Rubin talks about how she discovered that venting doesn’t really make you feel better, if anything it makes you feel worse because ranting about it only gets you more worked up.  So I am going to give not dumping my frustrations on people a try.

My resolutions for Attitude this month:

• no gossiping – no dumping
• follow every negative thought with a positive one
• give compliments
• smile & make eye contact
• be easy – laugh at yourself

To curb my negative thinking I am going to follow up negative thoughts with positive ones.  If my boyfriend, let’s call him Flash, brings me a bag of candy, I’ll probably think, “Why don’t you ever listen to me I told you not to bring me this stuff anymore!  Thanks for sabotaging my happiness project you freakin’ enabler!” but I will immediately challenge that thought by thinking “Flash is such a sweetheart, always bringing me thoughtful gifts.” 

I also want to try and give more compliments, out loud.  Sometimes I’ll see someone I know having a good hair day or wearing a cute outfit and I’ll think to myself that they look good.  Why I don’t always convey that to them is a mystery.  Overall, I just want to lighten up.  I used to be witty, make lots of clever jokes; I used to be a lot more fun.  There is a whole month dedicated to fun in the future, but for now I will try to address humor.

I had planned to dedicate a month to appearance/body at some point, but I felt guilty about doing so.  I wanted to do it early on because the resolutions are cumulative so doing it in the first few months would help make these things a habit.  I just couldn’t justify putting flossing and makeup before the months for friends and family, etc.  It seemed shallow and conflicted with what I felt my priorities were.  So I have decided that this month I will do a sub-category called Look Good Feel Good.  A mini spreadsheet that I will keep in my bathroom.

My resolutions for Look Good Feel Good:

• floss daily
• use body lotion daily
• wear makeup on weekdays (and remove it before bed)
• stretch daily
• nail maintenance once a week (on my own)
• do something extra for yourself once a week (get a massage, or get my eyebrows waxed, have a cheesy bubble bath with candles, do a face mask, get a pedicure, etc.)

I will be doing all of these resolutions in addition to my resolutions from boost energy.  It is also my goal to read a couple books that focus on attitude related topics.  As I write this all down it feels like a lot, but they are all really small things.  Most of the attitude stuff will be done in my head and requires no time, neither do giving compliments and smiling.  It is still going to be tough!

Boost Energy: End of Month Summary

September is coming to a close and with it ends the first month of our happiness project.  As I look back over my resolutions chart I think I did alright, but not great.  In all honesty I’m disappointed in myself this month.  I feel like I didn’t excel at any one thing.  I really wanted to power through this month, to pass with flying colors.  Pass?  Yes.  Flying colors? Definitely not.

I keep reminding myself that I chose the hardest things for the first month.  People make new years resolutions to exercise and eat better every year and fail.  I tell myself these are big changes, that new habits are hard, but this type of thinking feels like I’m making excuses.  I know I can do better.

 

I did okay in the food department.  I brought my lunch to work almost every day, and when I didn’t I would get Subway.  Dinners are going alright too.  I really don’t mind cooking, and I don’t even miss eating out that much… I just miss the convenience of it.  Making dinners requires so much planning.  Plan your meals, plan your groceries, plan your meals around your workouts.  Sometimes it’s just so easy to order something.  No plan, no groceries, just a phone call.  It has been difficult to go from someone who doesn’t cook to someone that cooks dinner every night.  I think once I get a collection of meals that I like I can throw them into a rotation and not spend so much time looking for meal ideas.

Exercise.  It has been my biggest struggle this month.  I’ve been having a really difficult time getting a routine going.  I will pat myself on the pack for going, without fail, to yoga twice every week this month.  Mornings have been my second biggest struggle, especially this last week.  About mid-month I switched from getting up and walking my dog in the morning to getting up and working out in the mornings.  It was unsuccessful.  I think I did three workouts in the mornings.  I really want mornings to work, it’s the initial getting out of bed that’s the hardest part for me, I’m always convincing myself I have more time.  I’m not sure if it was easier to get up and walk the dog in the mornings because it’s not that difficult or because I was still riding the momentum of starting the Happiness Project.  Lying in my cozy bed is way more appealing than getting up and working out.  In that moment exercise is the last thing I want to do.  Once I get up and it’s too late to work out or even walk the dog I feel annoyed with myself.  I need a new strategy for mornings.

I’ve done well with walking.  Since my pedometer broke the night before the project started I decided to abandon the goal of 10 000 steps.  With the exception of a few days where I was running short on time in the morning I have been consistently walking to work.  Every weekday this month I have walked either to or from work (many days both) and on days when the weather was nice I have made the effort to take Slone for an extra long walk.

I think the two biggest things I need to work on are organization and accountability.  Organizing my meals and my workouts will help me be more effective.  Some ideas: 

• print a weekly calendar and have my meals for each day on it, put on fridge
• print a weekly calendar for workouts
• have Sunday be my “prep for the upcoming week” day in which I make a new meal calendar, workout calendar, buy groceries and update my ipod 
• do weekly progress posts on blog to add accountability
• have regular discussions with Melissa about our progress
• be more specific with goals (ex: only allowed to get credit for waking up at 7 if I get out of bed immediately, can only get credit for working out if I feel like I challenged myself)
• create weekly themes, a specific set of goals I really want to focus on and be perfect with for that week (ex: try a new recipe every night this week, stretch every day during my lunch break this week)
• move my resolutions chart out of my bedroom
• choose bigger nagging tasks, list them somewhere visible and do one every week (my tasks list was more of a regular to do list, I was using small tasks to avoid bigger ones)
• create rewards and consequences for meeting or not meeting certain goals

END OF SEPTEMBER!!!

OKAY ENERGY HEY!!!!
So it's the end of the first month- boost energy- I think I did a pretty good job! The truth is, this was kind of my fly away month. I have a really good energy level already and I think that my main goal was going to bed earlier and I am VERY proud to report that during the work week I only went to bed past 10:30pm 4 times! This is huge for me!! I am a night owl and being in bed and ready to sleep at that hour used to be completely insane. I found it did make a difference, I had more energy during the day.
Drinking water----H2O....I don't like you. I have come to the realization that I really hate water. It's just SO BORING! And when it gets warm it tastes like minerals and metal. Gross. I attempted adding crystal light packs...nope...it barely dissolves and also, when warm, tastes like shit. So it's something that is forced, and I will continue to not let myself leave work until an entire 600mL bottle of water is gone. Tonight I had soccer, so I drank a lot of working, but you're burning a lot too so I don't really think it counts.
Vitamins....I have done a terrible job at taking a multi vitamin. And to be honest, I don't really know why I put this in my happiness project. I have never had a deficiency, and never been told I need B6 or Vitamin C, so why change it up now!? So I'm cutting this out. I don't feel like it would really benefit me.
Yoga. Due to the fact that i'm so active with sports, I have been away for a couple Sunday Yoga classes, but I do have my Biggest Loser yoga video that I have subbed in a couple times so I definitely did yoga at least 4 times this month (or once a week) which was my goal. I am always going to want yoga in my life and will continue to try and do it once a week. Plus my yoga instructor, Dawson, is super hot so it's really just a bonus. :)

I am getting apprehensive going into October. I think "Attitude Adjustment" month is going to be VERY testing for both Kirby and I. We feed off each others sarcasm, we enjoy gossiping together, we both allow the other to be in a pissy mood if we feel like it...so that fact that we're both trying to be happy and less judgmental should prove to be VERY interesting. I'm very much looking forward to hopefully not....well being such a ....ummm...bitch? haha. I guess I can sometimes be a bitch. A co-worker of mine once told me that when I walked into the room where she was it looked like I had a huge sign on my forehead that says "GO AWAY!"......it is the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. The LAST thing in the world I want to be is unapproachable?! Gross. What a terrible trait. So i'm looking forward to "smiling when I walk into a room" to hopefully say "Hello! I am glad to be here!" Not "F**K OFF I HATE YOU!" haha which is never really what i'm thinking....well....sometimes :)

So far Happy and getting Happier by the day,
MEL

P.S. My nagging task this month is 100% to get a damn battery for my camera so I can take pictures and add them to my my posts so Kirby stops making me feel inferior :) KIDDING. I love your pictorials Kirb-a-licious

Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich, be still my heart

Dear Spicy Chicken,

I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain.

Today I have been craving fast food.  Spicy chicken you are my #1.  Honorable mention goes to:

• KFC Big Crunch Combo with Supreme Fries
• Burger King Chicken Tendercrisp
• McDonalds Big Mac & Southwest Chicken

This got me to thinking about food and how it affects me, or how I think it affects me.  I have this mentality that I can eat whatever I want.  I think this started when I began my pre-teen growth spurt; I could put back a lot of food and never gain weight.  The funny thing is, this continued well into my adult years; I guess I’ve just been one of those lucky people with a high metabolism.  I used to wonder if the way I thought about food was a self-fulfilling prophecy, that I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight because I genuinely believed I could.  Sometimes I wonder if I had been someone who stressed out over food, felt guilty and paranoid about my poor food choices, would it have affected me differently?  If I convinced myself that it would make me fat if I ate fast food on a regular basis, would it have?

I realize this isn’t a foolproof theory, that I have probably been affected in unseen ways by my eating habits, vitamin deficiencies, or digestive problems perhaps.  Sometimes I wonder if it affected my skin, but then I think about how the first six years of bad skin occurred when I lived at home in a small town with no chain restaurants.  My mother made dinner every night, we didn’t drink many pop drinks, but I did drink a ton of milk…  Ok I am getting off track, my point is I do believe on some level that the way in which you perceive food can affect you.

If I think I can eat whatever I want then why have I given up fast food?  Like I said, it’s not a foolproof theory.  Here are my main motivations for changing my diet:

1. My main goal is boost energy.  I’m hoping a healthier diet will have a positive effect on my energy levels/mood.
2. They say your metabolism starts slowing down at 25.  I am 25.
3. Fast food is fake cheap.  The $$ add up.
4. I would like to learn how to cook.